After reading a post by my fabulous friend Melinda (who I look up to in all aspects of life, but particularly for her ability to glean wisdom and humor out of just about every experience), I started thinking about balance--specifically, about balancing my emotions. I can be a fairly relaxed person sometimes, but throw my children into the mix and I can get fairly unhinged. If T were to say, pee in his underwear and his shorts and all over the bathroom floor and maybe a little of the carpet, too (thankfully, he rarely does this anymore), I am not exactly calm about the situation. I don't necessarily yell and scream about things, but it's more ranting in my head about extra laundry and pee on floors and why can't he try a little harder to get to the toilet faster.
I've noticed this happening with the babies as of late. A2 is back to not taking great naps (he goes in cycles and it drives me nuts). It's not a huge deal in terms of work stuff. I learned to type one-handed and read documents while bouncing a baby on my hip a long time ago. It's more about the chain reaction it causes, or the one I worry that it will cause. If A2 takes a crappy nap, then he'll get overtired; he'll start crying and probably wake up his sister, who will also get overtired. I find myself hissing at the older kids if they so much as speak above a whisper when both babies actually happen to be sleeping. And then I worry that bad naps will mean bad night sleeping; on and on and on.
>>Insert huge deep breath here.<<
Basically, I really need to work on not letting tiny things become huge things in my head. I'm great at calming down other people and helping them realize that mole hills don't need to turn into mountains, but I'm not so super at making myself realize that. Small problems don't need to turn into huge catastrophes. When my children leave toothpaste all over their bathroom (which they do every morning and night--does toothpaste really need to go on the hand towel?), it's not the end of the world. If they want to make a mess, fine; they just have to do better at cleaning things up. When N pukes all over me yet again, it's nothing a change of clothes won't fix, right?
My husband keeps saying that if we're going to handle having five kids, we've got to become more laid-back and let more of the small stuff go. Giving up control of every minute detail??!! How can this be a good thing??!!
I have found lately that giving the older kids more jobs helps with my peace of mind. If they're going to get a bounty of crumbs on the kitchen floor at every meal, then they should vacuum them up. In the words of Leo Marvin (and Bob, for that matter), baby steps. It's all about baby steps.
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6 comments:
I think anyone with a large family almost has to take this approach of not sweating the small stuff. I have a friend with 8 kids..maybe 9 by now. We were at their house for dinner. I will never forget how we were in the middle of a conversation and one of the kids puked. What blew me away is there wasn't even an interruption in the conversation. One parent quickly starting cleaning up while removing that child from the table while the other parent kept the conversation and meal going. Kyle and I still talk about that. It's so not us but maybe small steps and lots of breathing helps. Hey...maybe you should take up yoga! Good luck woman you are doing awesome!!
yes, yes---yoga and more deep breaths!
Lately, I find I have to be very deliberate about the mellowing out. When things start to go nuts, I have to start the very deliberate balancing that Melin was talking about and even try to visualize myself as an entirely too tightly wound something and imagine unwinding myself. The something I try and chant when the 'mints are driving me to a bad place is "people before things" because the little souls we are charged with are far more important than the damage that will come from the chaos they are whipping up. That and "pick your battles". There just isn't time or energy to fight them all. And you are doing great. It is a difficult change to make!
Tennille your doing awesome. When I get all fretted and frustrated at little things and I think, I shouldn't be mad about that...I also think, but hey, every time you wet your bed, spill crumbs, write on yourself, change your outfit, its more work for me! For me!!!!!!!! Then, I calmly tell this to the children and it doesn't get me anywhere, and in essence, this is why we blog.
Because our kids don't understand just yet, but we moms do.
I am with you tennile. I'll just leave it at that, but just so you know, I think you're amazing! And the twins are adorable! Heather
My new kitchen is getting a sign that says This is a self cleaning kitchen, clean up after yourself. Good luck with everything. I felt the same way yesterday when L peed on my computer chair. Though this never happens. I was still freaking out!
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