One of the things I love about blogging is the way it helps me document the events of my life. I haven't been a good journal keeper since college, so this has been a great way to keep track of big and small things that happen.
But it comes with a downside—the very public nature of that journal. I often write something positive, in place of something honest. To a certain extent, I think this is a good thing. Most people probably don't want to read about the seemingly small complaints that I have. And when I take a step back and try to find the positive slant to a particular challenge, I'm usually the better for it.
But, I also believe that every now and then, it's more important to be honest. Too often, I don't want to share the frustrations I have or insecurities I deal with because I don't want people to think I'm a complainer, especially when my problems are so small compared to others. But I also know how much I gain when I read an honest post about someone else's struggles.
I think there's real power in honesty.
So... here goes.
I've been in and out of a funk for a while now. I kept chalking it up to this event or that stress—"work is so busy with convention; A2 isn't sleeping well; I just can't get the kids to obey;"—but convention's over, just had an awesome vacation, and funk is still firmly in place. I wouldn't go so far as to say I'm dealing with depression, mostly because funk sounds better in my head than depression.
I'm either crying over everything, or weirdly unemotional. Little rule infractions by the kids send me over the edge. I don't have much interest in much of anything. More often than not, I want to run away rather than deal with stuff. In short, I haven't been dealing all that well with the details of my life.
To-do list to get out of aforementioned funk
1. Exercise more regularly. Exercise=happy-making endorphins.
2. Have better scripture study and more meaningful prayers for more balance and peace.
3. Read good books instead of watching TV. (Incidentally, I would love some book suggestions.)
4. Get better at accepting help from friends and family.
5. Remember that challenges help us have empathy for others. Look for ways to serve others so you don't focus on your own problems.
I've been feeling somewhat good the past few days, so hopefully, this means more up days than down days in the future. Here's to hoping this funk goes away soon, and that your own semi-dark periods are infrequent visitors in your house.
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9 comments:
Maybe I'm in a funk too then cause you sound totally and completely normal to me. When I look at some blogs and their lives seem so upbeat and happy and grateful all the time, I think...hmm I don't feel like that. I'm not as good a mother, I don't crave more time with my kids, I want more run away and hide time for myself...hmmm...
But I think that is why there are so many conference talks dedicated to "young mother" because especially in this time in our lives when we are young and our kids are young and our husbands are trying to still establish a career cause they are young...it's all VERY exhausting and very one-sided....give give give.
I gave a whole RS lesson on "Being Enough" (talk given by Chiecko Okazaki) because I wasn't feeling like I was ever enough in any category of my life. The book helped me so I decided to give a lesson on it. Read it, it's good!
And if all else fails....chocolate cinnamon bear stashes come in handy and phone calls to sisters far away!
You have the keys it seems. And what Ca said is also key. Letting ourselves be what and how we are and deal with it instead of pushing and pushing for not being enough just makes everything worse. Maybe it's a May thing, because I've been feeling pretty funky myself.
As for books. I just read a great one--it's light and sweet, but not just brain candy. It's called The Sugar Queen by Sarah Addison Allen (or something like that, 3 names confuse me). Also good is Susan Vreeland's The Girl in Hyacinth Blue. It's our book club book for this month. The Last Pope was an interesting Dan Brown esque kind of book written by a Portuguese guy so sometimes the translation is interesting. And The Last Queen about Queen Juana la Loca--the daughter of Ferdinand and Isabel of Spain, definitely makes you feel the power we have as women today as opposed to the rest of history. And my greatest (and potentially most dangerous) find of late is that there is a Kindle app for the iphone that is FREE. Sadly the books are not, although some of them are--mostly classics and some random potboiler romances--but it puts Amazon at your fingertips like never before and when you NEED a new book, that's a good thing.
Also good, and terribly addictive--grilled chocolate chips on sourdough bread. Try it. I love you!
I love that you used the word funk because that is what I've been saying and feeling this whole pregnancy. I picked up Ellie from preschool yoday and felt awkward talking with my friends and then wanted to cry on the way home for no reason. It looks like you had a great time at Disneyland and you look amazing! Heather
hang in there. i specialize in funks and the removal of funks so if you want any advice...call me. love you.
Yeah, sometimes lately I've been wondering if that's what motherhood is - one big funk. Not feeling like doing anything, listening to screaming, getting frustrated with kids that don't listen, and, yes, as a pretty much daily feeling for me - wanting to just run away and hide from it all. I'm not dealing well with the details is EXACTLY a thought I've had many times. And just recently I did the - man do I need to help other people to just get over myself thing? Then I think of me and my three kids trying to be helpful to ANYONE and I just laugh.
But yes, your list is great. I can also say I'm sure the only music I've downloaded in the last year is either funky, upbeat, or bootie-shaking, and there must be a reason for that. Sometimes giving everyone in the house a boogie moment lightens everyone's mood. Or at least gets me motivated to do the dishes.
Also, my old RS pres from NY, who I respected very much - and I think also battled a lot of feelings like this - told me once that she thought getting a babysitter one or two afternoons a week was as important to her budget as food and shelter. She said she didn't care how poor I was, she felt it was so necessary for everyone's sanity. So guess what? I just got my little mia maid to come back and she's coming tonight! Granted, she just helps out while I'm here, but hey, if I can pay her a few bucks to do some of the monotonous crap I just can't bring myself to do - so worth it. And then some days I just remind myself to try to be happy and it's all I can do. If I didn't mention it to you before, I actually recently have been thinking - oh my gosh, how does Tennille do this with FIVE kids AND work??? And be far skinnier than me. :)
I always feel tha way this time of year...I live in Rexburg and may weather hasn't arrived so my mood is very dictated by weather...I love the website www.Goodreads.com you can find friends and swap reading ideas, love it, love it! I also wonder if you don't need an unwinding vacation from the Disney vacation! An afternoon away w/out the kiddos?
I pride myself on being a generally optimistic and happy person, yet I definitely experience a funk now and then as well. And sometimes I can't really pinpoint any reason. I would recommend that you pay close attention to hormones - I know for me my cycle plays a HUGE role in my moods - especially since the age of 30. So remember that sometimes there really is something chemical going on, and it may be as simple as regulating (or even just being aware of) those female hormones.
Thanks for sharing! And your ideas to get out of it are all very sound. And might I add that talking to and hanging out with good friends is usually a pretty good remedy too! :) I think the most important reason for sharing is to realize we are not alone in anything.
Love you!
Thanks for Keeping it real! I can relate,I struggled with feelings like this when Collin was about a year old. I started to withdraw myself from everything and put on a happy face when in public. You'll get your funk back in no time. Be gentle and patient with yourself, you have a lot of your plate and I don't know how you do it!
Thank you for your honesty. I think it is important to be real with yourself and those around you. We are not meant to have perfect happy days, every single day. I love you and I know that you will beat this funk.
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