A few years ago at her old school, S had some issues with friends. At the time, I called it a "fairweather friend" problem, but really, it's about mean girls.
The last time, the problem started with a girl who I didn't see as a great friend to S from the beginning. She just never seemed to be in it for the long haul. But this time, it hurts more. This particular girl—we'll call her Mary—befriended S right after we moved in, and they've been inseparable ever since. They've played together almost every day and I've always felt really good about their friendship.
Without going into all of the details, it really feels like a third-party (another girl) is influencing the situation and kind of poisoning the friendship. S is heartbroken and keeps wanting to do anything and everything to patch up the friendship, even after a few semi-nasty notes from Mary (two that I read—not nice). Finally, tonight, I think she realized that there isn't anything she can do at this point. No matter what she says or how often she apologizes, it doesn't make any difference.
Thankfully, S does have a few other good friends who have stuck by her side and made her feel better, but it still hurts. And it hurts me. I took her out for an ice cream sandwich last Friday and I think the one-on-one time with Mom helped. But it's hard to not be able to fix all of it, and it makes me mad to know that this is something we'll have to deal with on some level for a long time. I keep thinking about why girls (and women) do these types of things to each other. It all just stinks.
Monday, October 4, 2010
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
8 comments:
just so stinky. I'm so sorry S has to go through this. I wish women didn't pass this on to their little girls, that it wasn't hard wired in some others, that we could all just get along. It is so hard to be the momma when hurts like this come rolling in.
so sorry this is happening again.
When I saw your facebook status I got so mad... How could someone be mean to Savannah? She is seriously one of the sweetest girls. It just makes my heart hurt to think of someone hurting her and on purpose. It's sad that "Mean Girls" is so spot on and accurate... Give her a hug from me and my boys. They ask to see her all the time.
What makes it even harder, is you can't just say oh this will only happen in 4th grade sweety. No one will be mean ever again. You are right, it still happens in forms for the rest of our lives. I guess that is why when I truly have friends that stand by me through years and years of stuff I am amazed even more by their friendship. It is so rare. I say have a bunch of play dates with some of those other girls and maybe S will wonder what she ever needed Mary for!
Girls can be awful. I wish it weren't true, but it seems to be one of those awful facts of life. Give her a hug from Aunt Tiffy. Wish I could fly out and take her for a night out too!
Oh man, this hit home for me. Poor little precious vannie.. It makes me so angry and it makes me ache for her! I am 20 years old... And I still have problem with mean girls. What's the deal?? Anyone that messes with vannie... NOT ok! I'd love to talk to vannie about this!
One of my favorite children's books that I made all my kids read - especially the girls, but Matt did say it was his favorite book in 6th grade and the teacher laughed at him and said it was a girls book - talk about mean! is The One Hundred Dresses by Eleanor Estes. It really helps engender kindness in those who have a tendency to be mean and lets the others know they are not alone. It's a great book for a young girl's book group choice. Even if you only meet once to read it. :) Give Vannie a big big hug from me and tell her we are so proud of her.
Something that popped in my mind while reading this is teaching children-- as best as you can obviously, that happiness and self esteem is something that happens within you, not because of who you are around. There can be so much strength, even for a fourth grader, in being able to walk away and say I'd rather be alone then with someone who hurts me---its a life skill, for friends, boyfriends, all relationships. But it is stinky to go through, really, really stinky.
Post a Comment