With another year of 1–4 church in front of us, I entered January with no small amount of trepidation. But instead of just crying every Sunday after church like I've done for the past three years or so, I decided to be a little proactive.
Bribes and snacks, I thought. That's what I'll do. Bribes for the older kids. Snacks for the twins.
I don't like to use bribes with my kids. At least not bribes that come in the form of candy. Sure, I'll use an upcoming fun activity to get good behavior out of them in the meantime. But I don't like to bribe them with treats on a regular basis. But I also didn't want to continue current cycle of frustration and crying... so, bribery it is.
Every Sunday before church, I present the kids with the treat they can earn. They have to be good—quiet, reverent, and nice to their siblings. There are no second chances. "You either earn it or you don't." The first few weeks, S was the only one to earn the treat, which of course solicited sobs from her brothers, but they learned. Now, they're doing much better. They draw quietly for a while, read the Friend magazine, and earn their treat to eat after church. (They're usually pretty small treats like a miniature Snickers bar or a fun size bag of M&Ms.)
The twins are a different story. They don't understand bribery yet so I've had to use a different tactic. Since sacrament meeting is smack dab in the middle of naptime, it's hard to expect them to sit quietly because they're just so tired. A2 especially gets kind of crazy and unreasonable when he's tired. So, I've resorted to goldfish crackers and fruit snacks. The only problem is that for the past week or so, the second we sit down in a pew, A2 begins hunting for the "nasks" he knows are in my bag. But for the most part, the snacks placate the twins enough so that they play quietly with small toys, look at books, and eat their snacks. N sat still for ten whole minutes yesterday while my husband stroked her little hand. It may have been the longest stretch of time she's sat still (without being strapped into her highchair or carseat) since birth.
The blessings of using bribery and snacks are a relatively quiet sacrament meeting experience and two parents who can actually listen to the talks. Definitely worth it, I say.
Monday, February 7, 2011
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4 comments:
Oh yea TOTALLY worth it! My only problem is that I'm the only person getting all my kids ready for church and having to leave by 8:30am. I'm already bribing them to get them up, dressed and out the door! They get a small piece of gum to chew after the sacrament if the get ready for church quickly and without fights. The gum is also supposed to keep their mouths busy so there is less talking. It is sort of working and they know they have to spit it out before they go to class. So far no gum has gotten into anyone's hair and it's about the only thing that will wake C up enough to get going that early.
As for little T..I swear she is eating her breakfast at church cause she just never seems to really get one at home. She is usually a ticking time bomb though. She does pretty good through most of it but as we get toward the middle-end it all goes bad very quickly. And unfortunately like your twins, bribery doesn't work yet. Oh and don't get me started if she sees her daddy from the pulpit...all very bad!!
Bribery is a trick I used for a couple of years. When "I" was about 2-3 yrs old we quit doing snacks. Now, they both sit quietly for the most part and draw in composition books with colored pencils or colored pens. R is just a baby, so she usually will get taken into the hall by someone. I cannot wait until we can sit quietly in sacrament meeting again. Good luck with your technique!
I have tried everything to get us all safely to church and through the meeting. Bribes ceased to work when they'd already lost eligibility for them before we even got in the car, so I had to come up with something else. Right now, the last person to get ready has to do Sunday dishes. That seems to be getting everyone to church reasonably well.
At church, snacks for small people are golden, not so golden when older siblings are willing to start a fight over the snacks. The thing that seems to work the best for the small ones is to keep changing up the activities/snacks to keep them quiet and keeping the big ones away from the activities, snacks and smaller siblings so that no time bombs go off.
Sometimes the older ones do well with assignments (writing down how many times the speakers say family or faith--check with bishopric for topics before meeting) or activities in the Friend (finding the CTR ring can keep Caleb going for a while).
Glad your ideas worked well for your this week; hope it lasts for a good long while!
bribe away, sister.
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